Keep My Spirit Alive

No thanks to you

I had to be tough

Holding my corpses

Watching them self-destruct

Straight to the kiln

You incinerated me

I’m not consecrated to you

But to the debris

I am not

The man I was before

You say I’m refined

But I’m more broken

Scarred

Torn

Nothing is simple

Everything is complicated

Yet I’m just here existing

Wondering

What should be cultivated

Some days I’m in heaven

Temporarily I’m sure

But my periods of hell

Have me stunned

These methods so obscure

I took your sacraments

Baptized a few times to make sure

I toiled to protect my soul

To keep it washing from shore

I didn’t plan this

It wasn’t what I wanted

Those bodies washed away

Before I realized they were gone

Though my faith that once moved mountains

Is now nothing

But a mustard seed

Will you still

Keep my spirit alive?

Though my being’s too wilted

To sit in the pew

And I don’t do the shit that your prophets tell me to do,

Will you still

Keep my spirit alive?

Is there a part of me

That still finds favor in your eyes

Though I have little certainty

If you’re who I recognize?

Will you take my talents?

It’s not much but it’s something

I understand that

I looked more promising before

But when I’m ridiculed

By your self-righteous pharisees

Will I see you

By my side?

Do you still have my back

When I say you’re all bullshit,

As I’m spinning

Up and out of time?

And when I’m long gone as mycelium

And the earth is consumed by the sun
And Andromeda tears us apart  

And the flash that was existence

Ceases to shine

Can I count on you my God

To not shut your eyes blind

And lift my soul out from hell

To keep my spirit alive?